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Archive for March, 2012

As I write this post I’m not sure whether I’ll post it as it is very personal (10th March 2012)…

Over the last few months my wife & I have come to a decision about our respective jobs/careers. Having bipolar has made me realise that my old goal of becoming a qualified buyer probably won’t happen.

For now, I’ve decided to keep everything as it is with work. So basically, I’ll keep doing my job, but I won’t actively pursue training to step up the ladder or get qualified. My wife’s job over the last 18 months has taken off & she is doing really well. I’m very proud of her! We’ve spoken & she’s happy for me to keep doing what I’m doing, mainly because she wants me to be healthy. There is the risk that if I bite off more than I can chew, it can trigger my bipolar. Now that I’m back in work full time, I just want to get my head down & get back to doing my current role well.

Doing this blog is something I’m really enjoying & I want to get more involved in mental health awareness. Although awareness is much better than it used to be, I think there is still a long way to go. I’m not sure yet how to go about this, but I’ll get in touch with charities & go from there. If you have any tips on this, email me at bpshielsy@gmail.com

I really appreciate the sacrifice my wife is making here, as although she’s enjoying her job at the moment, it means when we eventually have kids she won’t be able to take off as much time as she would like. After her standard maternity leave is up she will probably need to go back to work as she is the main bread winner. I’ll then take time off to look after the little one.

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Really looking forward to spending time with my two nephews this weekend. Me & Laura will be picking them up from their swimming lesson tomorrow, which in itself should be fun, as I haven’t seen them splash about before & I’m a massive water baby!!

I’m also glad to have finished work for the week, as now the stupendous rush to sort the financial year end has ended. That being said I’ve got a back log of orders coming out of every orifice, so the busyness hasn’t ended just yet!

Right well a short & sweet post…hmmm, ‘short & sweet’, the wife says that to me often, not sure if its a compliment…

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I’ve been feeling good over the last couple of weeks & probably as good as I’ve felt in work, since I’ve been there for the last 2 years. So it came as a bit of a surprise when yesterday I started doubting myself at work around 3pm-ish. I felt less confident & wasn’t sure of some the work I was doing. I just plugged away until the end of the working day & assumed I’d pick up in the evening.

I couldn’t really shake off the feeling & woke up today feeling pretty much the same. I got up & made sure I didn’t hit the snooze button more than the usual 2 times. It’s a crime not to hit it at least once or twice every morning & to launch the alarm across the room on a weekend!!

By the time I’d gotten to the gym & done some swimming, I was thankfully feeling pretty much how I had been recently. It wasn’t until I started to log my mood in my Alternative Journal that I realised what it was. As far as I could see it was nothing more than being tired & needing a good nights sleep.

This actually pissed me off! Don’t get me wrong I’m glad it was something so easily fixable as to have a kip. What annoyed me & what makes having bipolar & many other mental health issues so frustrating, is the fact that I analyse my mood constantly to make sure its nothing more serious. I remember when I was younger, I would feel how I felt above (basically tired) & not give it a second thought. Now that I know what can come of my confidence ebbing away it starts you thinking, “Shit what’s wrong, why I am I struggling to do my work?.Why don’t I feel as confident as usual? Is this something I’m doing…and on and on…” If I don’t keep these thoughts in check it can snowball & actually send me off the edge.

Oh the joys of fecking bipolar

This post was written whilst listening to…click below…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRfuAukYTKg

Stop Laughing Ethel!!

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Half Marathon

My wife did a half marathon earlier today. Her first one & she completed it in 2hrs 23mins. I’m very proud!!

She is now in bed at 5pm. Personally I think I tired her out with my err ‘professional’ Salsa moves…

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Salsa Dancing – Oh Dear

I tried my hand at Salsa dancing last night…

Have you ever seen a bear with a saw paw, a torn hamstring, & the coordination of a very uncoordinated bear. No? Me neither, but I did a hell of a good impression of one!!!

While the class was going left, I was going right, when they were going forward, I wasn’t. When they were spinning I was spinning too…but the other way 🙂 It was my wife’s first time too & suffice to say she made me look as bad at it as I am.

I’m determined to have another go. I will get better, I will get better, I will, I will, I will…hmm I wonder how many years I’ll be thinking this for!

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I’ve had a really good week & of course it helps I’m now off work to enjoy a three day weekend!

Work has continued to be really busy, but I’m taking it in my stride & not getting stressed. It’s been the best I’ve felt since coming back off sick in January. I’ve been getting on well with my team & haven’t felt self conscious at all. I’m finally seeing the benefits of the training I had when I first came back to work, as I’m getting through more work than ever & as far as I can tell its quality work too, not just quantity.

Yesterday I opened up to a friend at work & let him know why I’d been off recently & that I have bipolar. It turned out he already knew. It went well & he confided that someone close to him had a breakdown of sorts when he was at school.

I shouldn’t by now, but I’m always surprised that when I speak to people about my bipolar, they often open up. It amazes me that so many people have either suffered mental health issues or know people close to them who have & yet it is rarely spoken about. I remember when I was first diagnosed with depression, about 12 years ago, my Doctor said 1 in 4 people will suffer from mental health in their lifetime. Even though I’ve never forgotten that stat, its not until I spoke to people that it really hit home.

Its a shame that there is still stigma attached to mental health. I believe it is down to a lack of awareness, which in turn leads to a fear of the unknown. Its one of the basic flaws (in my opinion of course) in the human make up. “What we don’t understand, we fear. What we fear we attack or stay well away from”. I know this doesn’t go for everyone, but you can see elements of this in the cause for nearly every war in our history. Woah, I’m going off on a tangent here!!

It is the lack of awareness I want to focus on. Its one of the main reasons I started doing this blog. Raise awareness to increase understanding. Having a mental health issue should be viewed as having a physical ailment of say, breaking a limb. They both hurt, they both take time to heal & there should be no shame in suffering from them.

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Tagged!!

I was tagged by Lexi – Thee Truth Is (Damn you! I was hoping to slink away from this one ha ha)

The rules are:

-Post the rules that are a part of this game
-Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged
-Tag eleven people and link to them on your post
-Let them know you’ve tagged them! (but of course)

Questions

My questions for you guys!!
1- When was your first kiss and whom was it with?

18yrs ago. A girl called Cathy

2- If you could meet one famous person, whom would it be and why?

Billy Connolly (Scottish Comedian). I watched an interview of him & his wife years ago. His wife said that Billy used to have dreams where he was drowning & just when he thought he couldn’t hold his breath any longer…he’d gulp & breath in, but he was able to breath under water. I’ve had these dreams growing up & also ones where I was falling from a great height, but when I hit the floor I’d survive. When I heard that interview, it really made me realise just what I’d been through & how strong I was.

I hope to be able to write about the things I’ve been through on my blog. I don’t feel ready yet…but I will.
3- What are your views on gay marriage?

Live & let live. We’re all different, why limit people. If you’re gay & want to be married who has the right to stand in your way.
4- Most embarrassing story. GO!

I don’t embarrass easily. Hmmm I need to give this one thought. There must be something…
5- If you could go shopping one place, where would you go?

The most amazing chocolate store ever… It would have to have samples trays!!
6- If you were told you had one day to live, what you do and with whom?

Spend it having a laugh with my friends & family. I’ve had the best times with them.
7- Would you rather go without cleaning your towels or your sheets?

Towels! I can air dry. I like to sleep where it smells good 🙂
8- what was your favorite memory as a child?

Good question…hmmmm….Playing out in the summer with the kids in my street, until I was called in by my mum. Not a care in the world
9- If you would change one thing, what would it be?

One thing I’d change about me. Be a bit more thoughtful before I speak.

One thing I’d change about the world. Everyone to have an open mind.
10- Have you ever altered your appearance in anyway?

No, well nothing cosmetic. Err do haircuts count?
11- Would you live forever if given the chance?

Yes I would. I’d love to see how we (humans) turn out.

Everyone I follow has already been tagged. Booo I was the last.

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